Friday, December 3, 2004
Well, I'm excited.
This evening after Mom asked her usual, "What's on the docket for tomorrow?" and I told her that "I" needed to go to Costco, we're running out of paper towels then off-handedly invited her along she not only accepted, she talked about how she felt like she needs to get out "again". I'm looking forward to this. I know she's pretty weak, although the ability of her spirit to infuse her body with strength when she's determined never fails to amaze me.
I think I've figured out something about her increasing energy in the last few days, and I'm, well, very circumspect about it. As you may have read, throughout "My Month of Me" I not only allowed her to sleep a lot and refused to argue her out of her "No thank you"'s when I had errands, but I also forgot several times to administer her second dose of iron when she lunched in the middle of her day. Thus, throughout much of the month of November she was receiving a lower dose of iron than usual. Since November 29th I've missed her middle dose only once and I think getting her back to her "normal" dose of iron may have a lot to do with the rise in her energy level. The more I think about this, though, the more uncomfortable I become. It's rather as though I became The Tyrant Caregiver during the month of November and arranged my care of her to insure a low energy level so that I would have more time to work on my project. At any rate, this is exactly how the November unfolded.
In some ways this strategy was conscious. I know, and admitted such in this journal, that the less she moves the less she is likely to move and the weaker she becomes, thus, the less she moves... Although I didn't mention, here that this was to my advantage I was not completely unaware that it was, especially considering my discussion some days ago about finite resources when applied to life sustenance. I'm somewhat uncomfortable that I was so adept at manipulating my caregiving in order to favor myself and my needs. I'm even more uncomfortable that I didn't initially see this clearly, make sure I remained completely conscious of what I was doing and admit to it up front. If I had perhaps I might have been able to mitigate some of her slippage, even though I'm sure she'll recover, especially after her reaction to the trip to Costco tomorrow. She was fully and continually informed of what I was doing and repeatedly, even excitedly at times, offered her cooperation. If I'd made sure that her iron level remained up she might very well have stayed up more, been able to entertain herself while I worked (she is able to do this when her energy level is high, I think; she has, anyway, in the recent past) and her physical strength would not have had to slip.
I think I need to take a lesson from this. I think I need to be a bit more aware of what I'm doing to her when I take my vacations.
I'm beginning to recover from my cold. It's been several hours since I've taken ibuprofen. I forgot. I'll take some tonight before bed to make sure I don't wake up feeling like shit but I'm not having a "cold night" tonight. I feel, in fact, a little internal revving going on so I think I'm over the hump. Mom's cold appears to have completely disappeared. I'm considering that this is a good indication that I needn't worry about her getting the flu before we're able to obtain a flu shot for her. Her immune system seems to be functioning better than mine.
I'm feeling better about full saddle riding. I'm looking forward to monitoring a tandem visit to Costco tomorrow. I'm still certain that I'm going to see to it that the holidays go very easy on me, thus us, this year. But I'm feeling good about that, too.
I think I've figured out something about her increasing energy in the last few days, and I'm, well, very circumspect about it. As you may have read, throughout "My Month of Me" I not only allowed her to sleep a lot and refused to argue her out of her "No thank you"'s when I had errands, but I also forgot several times to administer her second dose of iron when she lunched in the middle of her day. Thus, throughout much of the month of November she was receiving a lower dose of iron than usual. Since November 29th I've missed her middle dose only once and I think getting her back to her "normal" dose of iron may have a lot to do with the rise in her energy level. The more I think about this, though, the more uncomfortable I become. It's rather as though I became The Tyrant Caregiver during the month of November and arranged my care of her to insure a low energy level so that I would have more time to work on my project. At any rate, this is exactly how the November unfolded.
In some ways this strategy was conscious. I know, and admitted such in this journal, that the less she moves the less she is likely to move and the weaker she becomes, thus, the less she moves... Although I didn't mention, here that this was to my advantage I was not completely unaware that it was, especially considering my discussion some days ago about finite resources when applied to life sustenance. I'm somewhat uncomfortable that I was so adept at manipulating my caregiving in order to favor myself and my needs. I'm even more uncomfortable that I didn't initially see this clearly, make sure I remained completely conscious of what I was doing and admit to it up front. If I had perhaps I might have been able to mitigate some of her slippage, even though I'm sure she'll recover, especially after her reaction to the trip to Costco tomorrow. She was fully and continually informed of what I was doing and repeatedly, even excitedly at times, offered her cooperation. If I'd made sure that her iron level remained up she might very well have stayed up more, been able to entertain herself while I worked (she is able to do this when her energy level is high, I think; she has, anyway, in the recent past) and her physical strength would not have had to slip.
I think I need to take a lesson from this. I think I need to be a bit more aware of what I'm doing to her when I take my vacations.
I'm beginning to recover from my cold. It's been several hours since I've taken ibuprofen. I forgot. I'll take some tonight before bed to make sure I don't wake up feeling like shit but I'm not having a "cold night" tonight. I feel, in fact, a little internal revving going on so I think I'm over the hump. Mom's cold appears to have completely disappeared. I'm considering that this is a good indication that I needn't worry about her getting the flu before we're able to obtain a flu shot for her. Her immune system seems to be functioning better than mine.
I'm feeling better about full saddle riding. I'm looking forward to monitoring a tandem visit to Costco tomorrow. I'm still certain that I'm going to see to it that the holidays go very easy on me, thus us, this year. But I'm feeling good about that, too.
