Mom & Me Two Archive

    I awoke through unsettling thoughts this morning despite being in an even-keeled mood. I'm not sure whether the thoughts were provoked by a dream of which I have no memory or unrecognized guilt over deciding to Have [The Holidays] My Way, but I woke up considering that a relative or two, or more, might get their noses so far out of joint regarding me going into Holiday Hibernation and taking my mother with me (who could be said to have no choice about the matter) that we end up with government agents on our doorstep attempting to surprise me in the act(s) of abusing my mother; and/or we are treated to a surprise visit by relatives who figure I must be slacking in my responsibilities to my mother, otherwise I'd be all over the holiday season and the possibility of taking my mother out for show and tell like a bad suit (even though they know me better than this).
    Truthfully, I don't think I have any relatives who would do either. So I must be feeling a little autonomic guilt over my decisions regarding how the holidays are going to (not) be celebrated around here this year. But the super-egocentric prod by which I awoke got me to thinking that: As more and more people are indentured into caregiving for older relatives, as more and more government agencies are "mandated" with oversight of both formal and informal caregiving circumstances and as our culture begins to come to grips with our cultural ambiance being not anywhere near a satisfactory ambiance for the care of children, let alone elderly adults, I wonder how often it will begin to happen that relatives not directly involved in the care of their family's elderly will resent decisions the caregivers make which, while not harming the care recipient, clearly favor caregiver over those relatives who are not involved in caring for the relative. I have a feeling that we're going to see some pretty surprising and ugly law suits filed against family caregivers as we become more numerous and make more decisions based on our needs as caregivers rather than our familys' needs as onlookers. Family members not directly involved in the care of the family's elderly tend to look on elderly relatives as a "family treasures" which come with an obligation to be displayed whenever those not directly involved in elder care have a moment to spare to view the treasure. The family members directly involved in the elder relative's care, though, look on the elder relative as, well, family...a member of the household...someone with whom they interact every day and with whom they cannot help but have a close, detailed personal, social and business relationship.
    While these two considerations of elderly relatives need not necessarily be mutually exclusive, they can become so during periods when the direct caregiver heaves a tired sigh and decides, "You know what? I need to work a little time into my schedule for me, even if I have no way to safely hand off my relative. I need to do this particular season my way because I've been doing it in an unnatural way for 12 years and I think my desires deserve to be honored..." ad infinitum.
    Consider the type of cases that began hitting the courts as a result of stressed parents dropping their kids off at grandma's and grandpa's and leaving them there. It'll be interesting to see what litigious changes take place in the courts as the ranks of the caregiver encompass more, and more types, of people.

    Mom awoke on her own today, 1018, to be exact, which thrilled me. Breakfast took place at 1145 rather than 1345. I was very happy and got a shot of energy from this. I decided, after feeding Mom breakfast, that I'd attack the lower food cupboards (the worst ones) then make chicken stock from the carcass of the roast chicken we've been slowly demoralizing then make home made chicken noodle soup. This is one of my favorites to make, as it fills the house with such tempting aromas, and, anyway, home made chicken soup is one of my specialties and one of Mom's favorites. I spent a good 2 hours tending the simmering of the carcass with a wonderful blend of herbs and spices, fishing out and stripping the bones of every morsel of meat, skin and organs, putting it all back in the pot and readying the refrigerator to hold the stock for about a half hour in order to allow the fat to rise so I could skim it off, all the while celebrating. Just as I was carefully sliding the stock onto the cleared refrigerator shelf, my mother shuffled around up the steps from the living room to the dinette, around the corner into the kitchen, glasses and oxygen off, to announce that she was ready to take a nap. She accidentally bumped into the refrigerator door, I received a jolt which caused me to release the pot, which was less than halfway secure on the shelf. The pot dropped and meaty, herb and spice ridden chicken stock spilled all over the kitchen floor and part way into the dinette. Both of us were stunned, heartbroken and covered with chicken stock.
    In case you're wondering, first I cleaned The Mom then I ordered Mom into the living room, telling her napping would have to wait until I took care of the chicken stock so that it didn't run any further than it already had. Then I cleaned the kitchen and dinette floors then put Mom to bed. Then I cleaned the refrigerator, mopped the floor again and took a shower.
    As it turns out, I caught the pot and uprighted it before it hit the floor so we still have some meaty stock left and I'm still going to make chicken soup tonight. While Mom was napping I hit the grocery and bought a can of chicken broth to expand what we've got to two servings. Curiously, when I reentered the house from the trip I noticed that the house smelled like old chicken soup. Apparently it takes a bit more mopping to remove chicken fat from ceramic tile than I figured, so it's undergone it's third cleaning in a day.
    Amazingly, I'm still in a good, though slightly touchy, mood. I decided, both this morning and this afternoon not to take Mom's blood pressure because I'm so focused I've been afraid I'd snip at her while taking her blood pressure. She is a hard take because she can't remember, even though I tell her every single time I take her blood pressure, to keep her arm limp, not talk, not move, not scratch...
    But things are going well today. I've got to catch up on stats...I went to bed early last night, same time Mom did, so I didn't go on the computer. I woke up nicely early this morning and decided again to avoid the computer and spend time sorting through mail, looking for income tax stuff for next year.
    I discovered yesterday during a call from Mom to MCS that Mom thinks Christmas is past. While thanking MCS for the original calendar, pictures and pickles, she asked MCS how their Christmas was. No, I'm not taking advantage of this. I reminded Mom, after the call, that Christmas was yet to come and, yes, we'll have a Christmas dinner. I've just about decided on pork roast. The pressure is definitely off, though.
    I continue to feel content, even though I still smell, in the odd breeze, like chicken stock.