Thursday, December 9, 2004
And, yes, I am aware...
...that "having a baby" could be a sub- or unconscious metaphor she's using to indicate (to herself, not me) that she feels death is near: Not wanting to wait, worried that she may become too old to have the baby, etc. It could also be a recounting of her reason for marrying my father. Although she's told me, at my query, before, that she married him because she was in love with him and she was sure he was the right man for her to marry, well, that's a pretty standard statement and I know both of them were family oriented long before they met one another. It could be that the reason my father was the right man was because he came along at the right time and insisted that she was the right woman.
The problem with looking for death metaphors is that almost all our "surreal" [thank you, brainhell] conversations could contain such metaphors: Joining the Navy, which is a symbol of adventure to her; teaching in Martelle next year, which is a symbol of wanting to have an impact, of which she may feel she is no longer capable in this life; when she called me mother; when she told me I was older than her; when she insisted I'd coached basketball with her in college; all possible 'death is near' metaphors. I used to consider this with every dynamically phasing conversation she initiated and in which I indulged. One by one, the conversations have passed and my mother remains. So I no longer give much thought to this. I figure, I will not know what her final metaphor for impending death will be until she dies soon after stating the metaphor.
Then again, it's possible my mother will refuse metaphors for death. Knowing her, it's possible that death will appear before her, crook its finger, she'll look back, a little surprised, say, "Now? Well, okay, let me go to the bathroom first..." and she'll be off without a fuss.
The problem with looking for death metaphors is that almost all our "surreal" [thank you, brainhell] conversations could contain such metaphors: Joining the Navy, which is a symbol of adventure to her; teaching in Martelle next year, which is a symbol of wanting to have an impact, of which she may feel she is no longer capable in this life; when she called me mother; when she told me I was older than her; when she insisted I'd coached basketball with her in college; all possible 'death is near' metaphors. I used to consider this with every dynamically phasing conversation she initiated and in which I indulged. One by one, the conversations have passed and my mother remains. So I no longer give much thought to this. I figure, I will not know what her final metaphor for impending death will be until she dies soon after stating the metaphor.
Then again, it's possible my mother will refuse metaphors for death. Knowing her, it's possible that death will appear before her, crook its finger, she'll look back, a little surprised, say, "Now? Well, okay, let me go to the bathroom first..." and she'll be off without a fuss.
