Mom & Me Two Archive

    Seems optimistic that I received my first email regarding my efforts here a few days after receiving my first comment. The tracker doesn't show a jump in visitors. If anything, visitors to my site are on the decline but at least I'm getting some feedback.
    The emailer asked me to elaborate on the two times that I sought outside care for my mother and exactly what problems I'd had. I thought I'd written about these but I did a thorough search and can't seem to find anything. I e'd a friend about one of the incidents so that must be why I thought I'd talked about it here. So, directly out of that e and from memory, here are the two incidents:

1. A few months ago at the urging of the healers at one of the alternative healing clinics at which my mother has been treated I left my mother for an hour so I could make a trip to Costco to pick up supplies. I was positive that everything was going to be fine. These people are gentle with my mother and love her. I returned and discovered that they'd left her alone in the treatment room for the entire hour and she'd decided to get off the examination table, which stands about 3.5 feet high, by herself. Although she managed to do this without injuring herself, I was concerned and mentioned it to the two people who were supposed to be keeping an eye on her. Their response? "Don't create a bad reality by imagining the worst." Leave it to effective alternative healers to display absolutely fucked reasoning. If this type of reasoning worked there would never have been any need for infant and child seats in automobiles.
2. Maybe a month after the above incident I accepted the offer of yet another person with whom I was acquainted who had a reputation for excellent "respite" elder caregiving and who knew both my mother and me. I hired her to take care of my mother at her home for an hour while I took care of some business. When I returned my mother was in her wheelchair in the caregiver's back yard, unattended and confused. When I brought this to the attention of the caregiver I was told that Mom had seemed to be enjoying herself and the caregiver thought it would be advantageous to allow her "some time alone".

    If I had not known these people, if I all I'd had were references and recommendations by which to judge their ability to handle my mother and keep an eye on her, I would have blamed myself for not being more discriminating before the fact. As it was, because of much prior contact with all and much "advance publicity" about their abilities, including experiencing their services and/or watching them work and being pleased, I had no qualms about leaving my mother at either site. Despite everything, I was wrong.
    There. I hope that satisfies the emailer's curiosity, who specifically set up the message to allow "No Reply".
    Something I instituted successfully today in order to avoid bowel accidents, which are now of special concern to me since Mom managed to contract an E. Coli infection in her urinary tract: As her body is taxed while fighting bacteria she has not been as sensitive to her need to evacuate as she was previous to taking Cipro XR. Over the last few days she has, each day, evacuated in her underwear without realizing it. I realized yesterday that this happens about two hours after breakfast. Today at that time I followed this procedure:

• I asked her if she felt as though she had to have a bowel movement. She answered, "No."
• I reminded her of the bowel accidents of the last two days and explained that we were going to try something in order to attempt to avoid an accident today. I'd herd her into the bathroom, sit her on the stool, give her a cigarette (to stimulate bowel movement), and have her to sit there and enjoy her cigarette, drink some herb tea and think "down and out". we'd see if this might allow her to have a normal bowel movement someplace besides in her underwear.
• She agreed. I gave her a good 5 minutes to finish her cigarette and checked in on her. Sure enough, much to her expressed surprise and my expressed delight, she was in the middle of a daily bowel movement with no complications and no accidents.

    She did not remember that it had been a 'strategized' movement. I didn't bother to reinform her. I think I'll continue doing this for a couple of days until all her stats fall back into line and she seems to be recovering her energy and her internal sensitivity.
    No, she didn't go with me to the grocery today, although she mentioned, without being prompted that she felt "much better than she has for awhile." This afternoon after lunch, though, she began to nod off in her rocking chair. I decided to alert her and move her into her bedroom where she rests much more comfortably and successfully. I discovered that when she's dozing she temporarily 'forgets' how to move her body. This is a fertile insight for me. Although I already knew that it takes her a good quarter to half hour to get her moving out of bed after a full night's sleep, I'd never thought about why. During the time she takes to protest getting up and provoke me to coax her out of bed her body is, apparently, reminding itself how to work. Curiously, if I inform her the night before that she's going to experience an earlier than usual wake-up call because we have an appointment or function that requires a specific arrival time, she apparently retains this knowledge in her subconscious and her body snaps to much more quickly than if we have "nothing planned". This afternoon's insight will modify my approach to a normal awakening. I will, certainly, allow her body some time to remind itself how to move, as I've previously done without realizing that this is what is happening. Now, though, I know that there's a possibility that it might help if I perform a few gentle movement reminders on her as she is awakening to the day. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.