Sunday, July 25, 2004
Just a note before my mother's part of my day begins...
...Bad Day Hangover Day had it's ups and downs, the ups including a magnificent rain storm that disallowed me from taking Mom out on my errands but beckoned me into it and the downs including a very low point for both of us at the end of the day. I'll probably write about some of it later. I have daily stats to catch up on and, of course, there will be more stats today beginning in a few minutes.
Mom, yet again, is developing a little lung congestion which I'll try to expel today with Mucinex. So far it's sunny. I'm hoping, with this relatively early start, I can get her out and moving a little bit. It'll depend on her internal time clock and the weather. We're supposed to be developing thunderstorms again today. For my own appreciation, I hope we do. For my mother's need to move, I hope we don't, as, since I'm going in immediately to awaken her, I expect that our morning routine will be drawn out and will include "whupping" her up, which she rarely considers a felicitous start to the day.
As a footnote to last night, it was so stressful for both of us that, as I fell into bed, I threw up my spiritual hands and said, out loud, "I give up. Hit me with whatever you like, I'll do my best and,when I can't do anything, anymore, well, I'll let the chips fall where they may." I still feel this way this morning. Oddly, I'm finding optimism in it.
As a second footnote, the very low point in the evening began over Mom not wanting to eat everything I put in front of her, even though she needed it. An added irritant was her dehydration versus her preference not to drink anything. I won this time but I don't know how much more fight I have left in me to negotiate these problems. It would be easier, I think sometimes, if she were off in Senility Land to the point of having lost her identity and her will. Not that I wish this for her, or for me as her caregiver, but, well, at this point sometimes I wonder which is better in Ancient Ones, fight or no fight. It seems that her fight is often misdirected even as she thinks my fight is often misdirected.
I've tried being nice. This works much less well than being, well, not exactly mean but certainly not nice. Drill sergeant not nice. This still works with her. I wonder how long it's going to work with her.
Mom, yet again, is developing a little lung congestion which I'll try to expel today with Mucinex. So far it's sunny. I'm hoping, with this relatively early start, I can get her out and moving a little bit. It'll depend on her internal time clock and the weather. We're supposed to be developing thunderstorms again today. For my own appreciation, I hope we do. For my mother's need to move, I hope we don't, as, since I'm going in immediately to awaken her, I expect that our morning routine will be drawn out and will include "whupping" her up, which she rarely considers a felicitous start to the day.
As a footnote to last night, it was so stressful for both of us that, as I fell into bed, I threw up my spiritual hands and said, out loud, "I give up. Hit me with whatever you like, I'll do my best and,when I can't do anything, anymore, well, I'll let the chips fall where they may." I still feel this way this morning. Oddly, I'm finding optimism in it.
As a second footnote, the very low point in the evening began over Mom not wanting to eat everything I put in front of her, even though she needed it. An added irritant was her dehydration versus her preference not to drink anything. I won this time but I don't know how much more fight I have left in me to negotiate these problems. It would be easier, I think sometimes, if she were off in Senility Land to the point of having lost her identity and her will. Not that I wish this for her, or for me as her caregiver, but, well, at this point sometimes I wonder which is better in Ancient Ones, fight or no fight. It seems that her fight is often misdirected even as she thinks my fight is often misdirected.
I've tried being nice. This works much less well than being, well, not exactly mean but certainly not nice. Drill sergeant not nice. This still works with her. I wonder how long it's going to work with her.
