Wednesday, July 28, 2004
I have another fantasy in which I indulge...
...on days like today. I imagine that someone is here visiting; one of my sisters, with or without family, MCF, with or without daughter and daughter's friend, maybe a curious relative maybe even the oxygen guy, and something happens. I plug in the electric teapot, am electrocuted and, oops!, I die. I go out to get the mail and am accidentally run over by the garbage truck and, oops!, I die. It's a holiday and we're in the back partying, someone in the adjoining area decides to fire a gun into the air in the type of celebration typical (although now illegal) in this state, the bullet falls back to earth in the exact spot where I am standing and, oops!, I die. But someone's here to take up the slack, gather Mom and her affairs into their arms, homes or a nursing home, if that's what has to happen, straighten out those of her affairs I've had to let go because I simply don't have the time or energy to attend to them, take on the responsibility for her care from there on out, no one feels guilty because, oops!, it was a tragic accident and, anyway, we all know the dead are better off than the living. From there on out everything proceeds well. For me, for my mother and for everyone else connected to us. This fantasy actually relieves a certain amount of frenzy and frustration.
I don't think the doctor was right yesterday about my fears about another mini-stroke. I think it happened, I'm not sure when, and I now think this may have something to do with Mom's weakness onset. I noticed today that it seems as though it was her right knee that gives out. For confirmation, I asked her if both of her knees go or if it is just one and she confirmed that it was one, her right, without me coaching. There isn't anything else, except her right eye swimming in white, that is cluing me into this. At any rate, if she is suffering from the after effects mini-stroke there is nothing medical that can now be done except therapy. I hope I feel confident enough about her anemia, after her blood draw, tomorrow, which is absolutely going to take place, to trigger the prescription for strength and ambulation therapy.
Today I realized that I can't be her walker from place to place in the house anymore because she refuses to cooperate with me, lean into me and keep her arms around my neck. So, this afternoon, I decided to ban her from the living room. When she awakens from her nap I'll be using the wheelchair to get her around. I've discussed it with her and this is okay with her. It's going to be a little dicey getting her in and out of the bathroom. I tried both and hers is easier but that doesn't mean much. There's a good chance, too, that I will probably need to sleep in Mom's vicinity from now on. If that happens I will actually move stuff around and make the master bedroom the shared bedroom.
A couple of days ago at Costco I noticed a woman, probably 10 years younger than me, with a man who is obviously her husband and a woman who is probably his or her mother. I've seen the three there before, as well as the younger woman alone with the older woman. What I previously noticed was that the younger woman was pushing both a shopping cart and the mother's wheelchair. My reaction was funny, I've wondered if I could do that. It was a relief to observe that it's possible. It takes strong forearms but I'm pretty sure my forearms are strong enough for this by now. It will also take some practice to get the hang of controlling both without one of the vehicles wandering, which is why I tend to forget to try this when both Mom and I go to Costco. The day before yesterday, though, as the three took off down an aisle adjoining ours suddenly I realized, the man isn't doing anything but walking along beside the two women. Why, I wondered, isn't he pushing either the cart or the wheelchair? Hmmm...I thought, maybe he's the one who gets items and fills the cart. I kept my eye on them throughout the store and, nope, the woman pushing the cart and the wheelchair was also the one filling the cart. The man was hanging out looking and pointing at things while the younger woman veered, with the cart and the wheelchair, in the pointed direction to retrieve whatever the man indicated should be added to their purchasing inventory.
How often, I wonder, does this kind of thing happen when a family, rather than an individual, takes care of an Ancient One? Wow. What an eye-opener.
Later.
I don't think the doctor was right yesterday about my fears about another mini-stroke. I think it happened, I'm not sure when, and I now think this may have something to do with Mom's weakness onset. I noticed today that it seems as though it was her right knee that gives out. For confirmation, I asked her if both of her knees go or if it is just one and she confirmed that it was one, her right, without me coaching. There isn't anything else, except her right eye swimming in white, that is cluing me into this. At any rate, if she is suffering from the after effects mini-stroke there is nothing medical that can now be done except therapy. I hope I feel confident enough about her anemia, after her blood draw, tomorrow, which is absolutely going to take place, to trigger the prescription for strength and ambulation therapy.
Today I realized that I can't be her walker from place to place in the house anymore because she refuses to cooperate with me, lean into me and keep her arms around my neck. So, this afternoon, I decided to ban her from the living room. When she awakens from her nap I'll be using the wheelchair to get her around. I've discussed it with her and this is okay with her. It's going to be a little dicey getting her in and out of the bathroom. I tried both and hers is easier but that doesn't mean much. There's a good chance, too, that I will probably need to sleep in Mom's vicinity from now on. If that happens I will actually move stuff around and make the master bedroom the shared bedroom.
A couple of days ago at Costco I noticed a woman, probably 10 years younger than me, with a man who is obviously her husband and a woman who is probably his or her mother. I've seen the three there before, as well as the younger woman alone with the older woman. What I previously noticed was that the younger woman was pushing both a shopping cart and the mother's wheelchair. My reaction was funny, I've wondered if I could do that. It was a relief to observe that it's possible. It takes strong forearms but I'm pretty sure my forearms are strong enough for this by now. It will also take some practice to get the hang of controlling both without one of the vehicles wandering, which is why I tend to forget to try this when both Mom and I go to Costco. The day before yesterday, though, as the three took off down an aisle adjoining ours suddenly I realized, the man isn't doing anything but walking along beside the two women. Why, I wondered, isn't he pushing either the cart or the wheelchair? Hmmm...I thought, maybe he's the one who gets items and fills the cart. I kept my eye on them throughout the store and, nope, the woman pushing the cart and the wheelchair was also the one filling the cart. The man was hanging out looking and pointing at things while the younger woman veered, with the cart and the wheelchair, in the pointed direction to retrieve whatever the man indicated should be added to their purchasing inventory.
How often, I wonder, does this kind of thing happen when a family, rather than an individual, takes care of an Ancient One? Wow. What an eye-opener.
Later.
