Sunday, July 11, 2004
4. and 6. As each day reveals new data...
...my management of her meds and her health changes. Last night, after some ferocious research, I realized that it wouldn't be wise to simply stop the metformin despite what I think is going on now. Her body needs to adjust to the change so I'm lowering it little by a little more. Today if everything goes as I'm expecting, her total metformin intake will be 750 mg, significantly less than normal and less than any of the recent cutting back days. I worked breakfast to see how added sugar was going to affect her blood glucose levels and was pleased to see that her need for medical management of her diabetes appears to be lessening regardless of what she eats.
Mom is taking a nap, something she hasn't done in awhile because, well, she hasn't needed one. Walkering turned into a bit of a workout today, at her pleasure. I think she overestimated what she could do from an aerobic standpoint although her legs, including her knees, didn't give out. So it didn't surprise me when, an hour or so after she finished lunch, she decided she needed to snooze. It made me feel as though our days are returning to normal. Tomorrow is going to start early, too, so the added rest today should help.
While I have a few minutes before I awaken her for her evening iron let me explain my understanding of what's happening. Some days ago, I believe close to two weeks but it might not have been that long (I could go back and check but that would give me less time to write), I slipped back into despair over my battles with her anemia and non-alternative medicine in regards to both her anemia and her diabetes. As I've mentioned before, I'm not a "praying man". Rather, I consider that my life is a constant prayer to The Source, whatever that is (although I cannot define what I refer to as The Source, or god/God/All, or, the Essence of Everything, I have, at times, been in direct communication with "it"), there are times, especially when I am in need, that I become more formal in my communication and "pray" or, more accurately, consciously meditate on what it is I need. When I do this I am specific, often verbal, about my request. I imagine that focusing intently on my request taps into the specific kind of energy I need to have a request filled, and establishes specific direction of this energy toward the fulfillment of my request. Anyway, in the pit of despair, I "prayed" that the cause of my mother's anemia correct itself; I "prayed" additionally, that it do this without me having to negotiate the gauntlet of non-alternative medical practitioners anymore for both mine and my mother's sakes. I poured my frustration and confusion out. I didn't, I need to note, address anything else in regards to my mother's health. Not her diabetes, her back problems, her COPD (if that's what her breathing problem is) nor other items of her physical debilitation. I "prayed" this not only on behalf of my exhaustion, but on behalf of my mother's desire to no longer have to deal with doctors and tests and questionable meds and all the other detritous that's entered our lives since 2002 except for regular physical check-ups, monitoring, and judicious doctoring when an emergent situation crops up.
The very next day was the first day I recorded lower than normal blood glucose levels. It didn't hit me right away, but after a few of these passed through the monitor, I began to think that, well, my "prayer" was being "answered" (that is to say, I'd managed to marshal some very powerful, very direct energies to work on my mother's and my behalf), and, in being "answered", I was receiving the fringe benefit of having my suspicion that Mom's anemia is due to her intake of metformin confirmed.
It is typical that conscious requests I place before The Source are addressed, always in ways I am able to appreciate. It is also typical that I rarely approach needs and problems in such a direct and directed manner because the indirect "prayer" of my life usually "works". I have to say, though, that, in this case, if what I think is now happening within my mother is indeed happening I believe, as well as know, that I'm not the only one seeking focused energy applied specifically to the state of my mother's health. For this, I am heartily grateful, to all who have, as MCS (who is, spiritually similar to me) put it, "been thinking hard" about Mom and me. I'm making a lasered effort to remain aligned with all this energy coming our way. I'm trying very hard to honor it in the way I am now handling my mother's life. I hope to be able to report, as the future becomes the present and then the past, that we are in sync with an Intention that promises adequate and comfortable management of my mother's health from now to the moment she takes her last breath.
The last part of my "prayer" was that I do not, while my mother is alive, want to focus attention on non-alternative medicine so much as I want to focus attention on my mother. Because of the problems I've had negotiating the non-alternative medical establishment it's been much too easy for me to focus on the inadequacies of non-alternative healers rather than my mother's own adequacies in negotiating her Ancient body. I believe this request is being "answered", as well.
Thank you, again and again.
Time to awaken my mother and administer her evening dose of iron.
Later.
Mom is taking a nap, something she hasn't done in awhile because, well, she hasn't needed one. Walkering turned into a bit of a workout today, at her pleasure. I think she overestimated what she could do from an aerobic standpoint although her legs, including her knees, didn't give out. So it didn't surprise me when, an hour or so after she finished lunch, she decided she needed to snooze. It made me feel as though our days are returning to normal. Tomorrow is going to start early, too, so the added rest today should help.
While I have a few minutes before I awaken her for her evening iron let me explain my understanding of what's happening. Some days ago, I believe close to two weeks but it might not have been that long (I could go back and check but that would give me less time to write), I slipped back into despair over my battles with her anemia and non-alternative medicine in regards to both her anemia and her diabetes. As I've mentioned before, I'm not a "praying man". Rather, I consider that my life is a constant prayer to The Source, whatever that is (although I cannot define what I refer to as The Source, or god/God/All, or, the Essence of Everything, I have, at times, been in direct communication with "it"), there are times, especially when I am in need, that I become more formal in my communication and "pray" or, more accurately, consciously meditate on what it is I need. When I do this I am specific, often verbal, about my request. I imagine that focusing intently on my request taps into the specific kind of energy I need to have a request filled, and establishes specific direction of this energy toward the fulfillment of my request. Anyway, in the pit of despair, I "prayed" that the cause of my mother's anemia correct itself; I "prayed" additionally, that it do this without me having to negotiate the gauntlet of non-alternative medical practitioners anymore for both mine and my mother's sakes. I poured my frustration and confusion out. I didn't, I need to note, address anything else in regards to my mother's health. Not her diabetes, her back problems, her COPD (if that's what her breathing problem is) nor other items of her physical debilitation. I "prayed" this not only on behalf of my exhaustion, but on behalf of my mother's desire to no longer have to deal with doctors and tests and questionable meds and all the other detritous that's entered our lives since 2002 except for regular physical check-ups, monitoring, and judicious doctoring when an emergent situation crops up.
The very next day was the first day I recorded lower than normal blood glucose levels. It didn't hit me right away, but after a few of these passed through the monitor, I began to think that, well, my "prayer" was being "answered" (that is to say, I'd managed to marshal some very powerful, very direct energies to work on my mother's and my behalf), and, in being "answered", I was receiving the fringe benefit of having my suspicion that Mom's anemia is due to her intake of metformin confirmed.
It is typical that conscious requests I place before The Source are addressed, always in ways I am able to appreciate. It is also typical that I rarely approach needs and problems in such a direct and directed manner because the indirect "prayer" of my life usually "works". I have to say, though, that, in this case, if what I think is now happening within my mother is indeed happening I believe, as well as know, that I'm not the only one seeking focused energy applied specifically to the state of my mother's health. For this, I am heartily grateful, to all who have, as MCS (who is, spiritually similar to me) put it, "been thinking hard" about Mom and me. I'm making a lasered effort to remain aligned with all this energy coming our way. I'm trying very hard to honor it in the way I am now handling my mother's life. I hope to be able to report, as the future becomes the present and then the past, that we are in sync with an Intention that promises adequate and comfortable management of my mother's health from now to the moment she takes her last breath.
The last part of my "prayer" was that I do not, while my mother is alive, want to focus attention on non-alternative medicine so much as I want to focus attention on my mother. Because of the problems I've had negotiating the non-alternative medical establishment it's been much too easy for me to focus on the inadequacies of non-alternative healers rather than my mother's own adequacies in negotiating her Ancient body. I believe this request is being "answered", as well.
Thank you, again and again.
Time to awaken my mother and administer her evening dose of iron.
Later.
